Ratatouille isn’t as charming in real life

Posted on: May 23, 2012

I am being bullied.

By a rat.

How do I explain this?

Since I came back from my week-long home leave, I found myself being terrorized by a rat as big as a kitten (no exag!) The funny thing was I didn’t realize what was happening until I found my Sunflower crackers pack half-empty when I had a sudden craving and opened my desk drawer. It was actually a ‘clean’ crime. The only indication that the culprit was a rat is that the packaging had teeth and claw marks on it (if you get what I mean). 

There were signs – I always find my wall photos scattered on my desk, the picture frames upturned, there were tiny rat poops (at first only few but then it got merciless and started sh*tting everywhere!) and even urine on top of my working desk! I was in denial and thought that maybe a human got curious and moved some of my things.

Then last Monday, I found my office ransacked… again. After cleaning my desktops, the book/magazine racks, the whiteboard, and drawers, I moved on to the pull-out of my bigger desk and the moment I tugged at it, a bunch of tissues fell down with the big rat jumping and running away from the crime scene. That was the loudest shriek I let out in years. It must’ve been really hungry and ate (and stored) the tissue papers instead.

It was gross. Just thinking about how big that rat is gives me goosebumps.

One of my officemates said I should talk to the rat and make peace with it. It feels weird talking to a rat so I just shrugged it off. It must’ve heard or seen my reaction ‘coz it got angry and terrorized me even more the following day.

Rat poops and piss everywhere, photos scattered, a window sill was half-eaten and part of my wall was torn. Maybe it was finding an escape hole and failed . I was really scared opening my drawers, ‘coz I was sure it was still there. And sure enough, the darn thing was munching on my marshmallows in the top drawer of my smaller table. 

My rat dialogue ‘advisor’ told me she had an epiphany. She and the rat had an eye contact and she told it to not bother me anymore. She was convinced it wouldn’t but asked the errand boys to board up all possible escape anyway, including a vent that was my only source of the cold, fresh air from outside when the wind blows from the South. 

I am worrying and it kills me. I’m afraid it will be there again tomorrow waiting for the next perfect opportunity to scare the bejesus out of me and scream “rats!”

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