Archive for October 2011
I am not liking it here.
Sitting idly on my bed for hours, in my room, at my parents’ house. I am not liking the familiarity it gives me.
I got back last Friday… or Saturday as it was already 2AM and it’s been barely a week and I am yearning to go back to the mountains. I miss the peace and quiet. I miss my 6:30AM breakfast. I miss the almost eerie silence of Magnetite apartment. I miss walking up that steep slope to our office while carrying this heavy weights disguised as a laptop. I miss my Benguet brew indulgence.
The only few things that I miss when I’m away is my family and my crazy bunch of friends. I don’t miss the urban chaos, especially when I’m lost inside the corporate jungle.
I can’t help but do a little (okay, huge!) comparison of the place, the people, and of what I am when I’m home against what I become when I am alone in that slightly unfamiliar territory. I like silence. I value moments when I can hear my own thoughts (but not too much that it makes me crazy and paranoid) as it somehow clears my head off any negativities. I am thankful for those moments when I can just stand there on the veranda, stare at the mountains and marvel at God’s magnificent creations while enjoying a cup of coffee… in my PJs.
Getting smiled at is a freebie – an everyday treat from the people in the community. I don’t know, it’s probably just me but it only takes one sincere smile and a nod from someone to make my day right. It’s like being appreciated, not necessarily wanted. But the very idea that people acknowledge your existence and that feeling of being welcomed gives me a huge kick! I’ve been to (and still sometimes experiences) situations wherein I feel so invisible and that nobody gives a shit about me. Depletes my confidence level ’til I cross that line to apathy. I turn into a girl schmuck.
My work load is the same when I’m in Padcal but it helps that I am in a very relaxed and laid back environment, thus, my productivity level is definitely higher. Here, the remedy to stress is a diversion – focusing on another source of stress – a person (i.e. your boss or a snotty colleague ).
I can go on and on and on and not finish. Bottomline, I am happy to be going back this weekend. =)
I am starting to develop a profound hatred for typhoons. It sounds
bad wrong pointless (?) I know because who the heck in his right mind would love ’em, right? Maybe innocuously apathetic students (and some working people) who have naturally equated typhoons with the capital STAY-AT-HOME-AND-TIME-TO-CHILLAX mood. With the kind of destruction they leave, most people in their balanced state of mind would readily flinch faster than you could say, “Boot up!”
Back in Manila, I was one of those selfish biatches who would pray for rain (ulan pa!!! Sige pa!!!) just because it makes me feel good and I can parade around with my sister’s disgustingly Leopard printed Wellies and stomp around the rain, armed with my transparent umbrella with really nowhere to go.
At times, the thought of people living in the streets, or under the bridges or anywhere that makes them defenseless against the wrath of nature escapes my mind. There were times when the idea that some areas in this country are very likely to be dissolved in the map in the near future and that whenever it rains, flood rises up to their chests does not really bother me.
How true when they say that unless you are in the situation, you wouldn’t really understand. I haven’t been there exactly but I’ve matured enough to have the realization that sh*t may not happen to you but it HAPPENS to others.
Just after ‘Pedring’ ravaged Northern and other parts of Luzon early this week, in this very community that I am based at the moment, an officemate’s roofing was detached, leaving all her belongings drenched, around 39 families were displaced, and a few people were stranded on the road that leads to the camp because of heavy landslides.
I am safe and I am relatively comfortable. The only complains I have are the strong gusts of wind rattling my windows, and its fierce howling scaring the hell out of me. Oh, and the power outage which leaves me nothing else to do but stare at space until I fall asleep.
I hate typhoons especially now because two activities involving my work have already been compromised. First, the media mine tour that was scheduled last week (which would’ve give me a chance to be in Baguio again!) and TV5’s visit and shooting for their new indie-ish documentary program called ‘Journo,’ which was supposed to happen this weekend. I am excited to work but these typhoons are making it impossible.
This week, I have mapped out what I have to do to be able to get my stories. I was thinking of doing a couple of interviews, a few field works and site visits and a dozen picture-taking. But all were on standby until these typhoons leave us alone.
Pfftttt… damn you Pedring. Damn you Quiel (although your name is so cute I wanna give it to my kid).