Archive for August 2010
August, I was not serious when I said ‘Bring it on!’ But you did… and it ain’t pretty!
A week before this month ends, I find myself rolled up in a whole sheet of negativity. You started well and it was okay but as you pass by, this shitty feeling gets worse and worse, especially last week. For one, I was quite under the weather and absolutely cranky most of the time.
Yesterday, I got a little bit of socking from mi boss. What a way to start my Monday. But I think I need a little bit of that to jump start my momentum. And boy, it did. I felt the panic to prove myself. a
To top off my day, a taong-grasa (vagrant/hobo) slid right beside me in the jeep on my way home. He pushed me in the process and that really shocked me. I was practically stunned, sitting speechless until the guy sitting next to me offered to switch places. I swear I was okay with his stench but what I was really bothered about was the fact that he might suddenly smother me or hurt me. I wasn’t fearing for my life but I thought it would really be embarrassing to be the subject of such raucous. haha.
I’m totally sleepy now.
I want to tell a story.
But what’s in my head is not something I would really broadcast here ‘coz some people might be reading this without my knowledge for whatever reason and I don’t really want them getting too much into my thoughts. Instead I’ll write about something that is worth thinking about.
I’ve backtracked a little by reading some of my previous posts and it surprised me how so damn easy and happy-go-lucky I seemed to be just two or three years ago. It sounded as if I’ve never got a problem in the world and even if I did have, I leave it to the skies to make everything perfect. Kim Jae Won can make my eyes sparkle amid a stressful day at work and a Korean novela (or anything related t it) could banish my sour mood.
As I go on reading towards mylast few posts, I can honestly see what I’ve become and what am I still becoming. My posts became more and more “whiny” and “problematic” and it’s as if I’d die if I don’t complain about something. I can’t help but think that maybe it comes with age that I am becoming a little bit more “stiff” as days and years pass. And I don’t like it.
And most of the people I used to talk about in my blog – I don’t see them anymore. I don’t get to talk to them as much as I want to. They’ve practically vanished out of my blog and sadly, probably even out of my life. *sigh*
This is the reality of life. This is exactly a story that is worth telling. Maybe two more years and what I write here may be ten times different.
I need not dread but there’s a hollow pit in my stomach that makes me squirm at the thought of what’ could be in-store for me this month. The past few months have been quite a mix of pretty and ugly – not mediocre but a little bit on the extreme. Thus, I am becoming a wuss… a paranoid of all sorts.
American fiction and horror writer John Shirley said, “I think paranoia can be instructive in the right doses. Paranoia is a skill.” And I think I’ll bet on that. I’ve decided to take into heart and give a little push to my cowering ego. It’s been bullied a lot of times these days and it’s still finding the right – if not perfect – time to revolt. I wasn’t called a “rebel without a cause” (by my old boss) for nothing. hehe.
So, who says you need New Year to bullet a few resolutions?
- I’ll drink two glasses of milk (low fat) every day
- I’ll do that ‘body cooling’ thing otherwise known as a little bit of stretching every morning
- I’ll sleep as early as I can
- I’ll TRY not to be consumed by stress
- I’ll drink my Vitamin C AGAIN (I completely forgot about it already)
- I’ll smile more often
- I’ll be back on ‘saving’ mode (been such a splurge these days)
- I’ll TRY to read more often
- I’ll TRY to write / blog more often
- I’ll listen to more music (I don’t know but it really heals me)
- AND I won’t miss a day saying ‘Thanks’ and praising God for my blessings
Time may be short but the road is still long. It’s too early to feel tired and to curse the world for these small nuances. Who knows, we may not even be halfway on our journey. Save your strength, gain more energy – we’ll never know when we’ll need it the most.
So to you August, I say: ‘Bring it on!’