Bad habit MUST die

Posted on: June 10, 2010

I want to kill it. I need to kill it – this very bad habit of sleeping very late and waking up incredibly late (mostly in time for pm snacks already). I know the hazards it poses to my physical and mental health and the compromises I need to do for work but this is something that has gone beyond my control. I am ruined and I feel so helpless. I’ve had this sleeping problem ever since I can remember but this is, by far, the worst.

When I was still working full time, my journey to dreamland had never been easy too. But I could solve it by reading a few lines in a book or just counting invisible Brandon Boyds jumping over my mosquito net. I figured it would be more fun to count a pretty face and a hot body than boring sheeps. And they were so effective. Sometimes when I’m reading, I haven’t even finished a full paragraph and I feel my eyes weighing down already.

But this – this taking a bath at 2 in the morning (it’s really hot!) and drinking/eating whatever I find in our fridge and staying up without any reason, is such a sick waste. No matter how I make myself sleepy (I don’t drink coffee anymore before I hit the sheets unlike before… yes, I do that. Freak me) like reading a book, or staring at a wall, or counting the jumping shirtless rockgod, or singing lullaby to myself (how pathetic is that!) – normally just a bunch of humming with a screwed up melody – I still can’t get a shuteye.

I would lie down there in the dark with a very exhausted body and a very much awake mind- as if it’s on Modafinil or some psychoactive drug. I would toss and turn, which I want to believe is involuntary since I am not really willing myself to move. Sometimes I would lie very straight and very still, trying to feel dead or something and prohibit myself from opening my eyes at the slightest sound. And I always dread picking up a book because I tell you, I will finish that and won’t stop since I won’t feel sleepy anyway until I am very near the end.

Exhibit A – My clock reads 3:05 am and I am not feeling anything that signifies sleepiness. Oh my cheeks, I even hear the roosters’ cock-a-doodle-do already! I am very screwed. I will have to wake up earlier later because I have to report to “work.” One of our ‘bosses’ is in Manila and would be meeting us today.

Geez.

I better get some medical attention.

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