Archive for August 2009
I think I am becoming more mature and I am loving it.
Mature in a sense that I am learning how to control my surge of emotions and channel my frustrations to becoming more productive and assertive about myself. There are a few happenings that have, at some point, tested my patience where I thought I would succumb and just jump off the cliff but in the end, I found myself atop of it, smiling. =)
I am beginning to conquer my anger, my temper, and my sometimes shallow take on things. It’s like watching myself from the outside – I can easily see the things that I do wrong and see myself rising to the occasion. I trust myself to do better decisions and it makes me feel like a winner.
Since my last post about the demise of my pet Miyo, I never had the guts to open this blog and post another entry. I even considered removing that post because it still pains me to look at Miyo’s photos (sorry but I really love that cat and it felt like losing a person just the same). But then again, I decided against it, thus, I keep it here.
Anyway, I wouldn’t like to dwell on that much because it really makes me sad all over again, especially that nothing in my favor happened the last week. It’s like everything that happens is against me. But no, I am not feeling too down about it, neither do I just accept it. My only ammunition in such difficult times is asking for help from the One Up There who I’m assured will never let me down. Pain is something evil and He simply doesn’t want it for me.
Sometimes I still wonder what His plan for me is but I ain’t complaining. Thy will be done. My faith has further thought me how easier it is to count my blessings rather than dwell on all the shortcomings – a bad day, an a** of a b***. You know what I mean.
I’ve been very preoccupied with work these days but I still get to see my friends once in a while, stay with my family on weekends, and have my personal time with God whenever I want.
What more can I ask for, right? Probably, patience. I still suck at it.
This is the first time that a cat died on me. All the others just went away one day and didn’t come back. That’s how I usually lose a pet cat. So this one’s really traumatic for me.
He was just two years old… a common house cat which looked a little different. As my friend J puts it, there’s something different with his face. It’s probably the shape of his eyes or his jaw. No matter, he’s this adorable little dweeb who served as my own personal stress fur.
I remember when we, well, pop snatched him from the streets. (But later on, our neighbor’s daughter claimed that he was hers but I didn’t give him back obviously. Let’s just say that if we went to the court, I won the custody battle) He was so small and scrawny, with a long tail that look like a rat’s. He looked so disgusting. A few days of extreme pampering, feeding him generously with cat food and cleaning him up, he eventually started looking like a certified spoiled house cat.
He doesn’t look like a typical barako… we even had a hunch that he’s gay because if he’s a person, he is so effeminate. He goes out, touring the neighborhood everyday but makes sure that he goes home before the sun comes down. Most of the time, he comes home looking like a cat-hobo. And just to piss him off and as a punishment, I would dust him with cat powder ’till he’s too annoyed to complain.
He sleeps like a human, sometimes flat on his backside or rolled up in a fetus position. He’s so warm and cuddly and I like it when he snuggles to my side, never caring if I play with his nose or his tail. He also has this habit of sleeping on my bed, sometimes making my tighs his pillow.
Miyo’s the biggest muncher I knew. He’s so addicted to chips that even if he’s on the other side of the neigbor’s fence, once he hears the sound of a chip bag being opened, he would immediately go back home and pester you with his ‘meowing’ until you give him some. He eats all kinds of food – potato chips, chocolate mallows, ice cream, cake, even lollipop. But his favorite is Happy Peanuts. =) Mom often goes bananas because he keeps on ransacking mom’s sari-sari store, eating whatever he could. I often end up paying for what he ate or destroyed so as to prevent mom’s wrath.
But last Sunday, I went home and found him lying on my bed, all bloody and weak. We suspected he got attacked by a dog because he had deep puncture wounds on his jaw and neckline and his right front paw is all mangled up. My sister said there were blood everywhere and Miyo insisted staying on my bed (so guess where I slept) and didn’t really want to leave my room. There were blood spatters everywhere because every time he shakes his head, the blood spills . It was all messy but I didn’t mind. I just wanted him to get well. I nursed him the whole day that I was home last Monday (I’m sick as well). I tried feeding him and suture his wounds but the bleeding won’t stop. We took him to the vet because he’s already lost a lot of blood and he’s really weak. It looked like Miyo really hated me for bringing him to the vet because he hates being held by people he didn’t know. I thought he would get better after being confined for two days (with a dextrose!) but he looked worse. And I couldn’t help thinking what would have happened if I just let him heal by himself at home. =(
I really really miss Miyo. He’s my only stress buster… Some people might think that I am probably over-reacting but I couldn’t really help it. I am sad as sad can be and I haven’t cried like this in a long time.
There are many what ifs in my mind right now. What if I guarded him well last Saturday so he wouldn’t be able to go out of the house? What if I just let him be… and let the cat’s magical healing do its wonders? (But considering that he’s been in other accidents a lot of times already in the past, the nine lives have been probably all used up)What if I didn’t take him home tonight? I just wanted him alive – no matter how smelly and dirty he is – sitting here on my bed or at the couch doing his favorite thing in the world – sleep.
Do animals go to heaven? Because if they do, I am thinking he’s there.
I wouldn’t be getting a new cat soon. =(