Archive for April 2009

When at 1 in the morning, I am still wide awake, thoughts in shambles amid futile attempts to write some copies and wondering again for the -nth time why I am such a chaos…

I came across this in Vanness Wu’s blog and I know I got my answer =)

Sorry Lord, I lost myself again (!) for a while there. But I know you’d never let me. Feeling a little better and now I can sleep.


but i’ve been so quiet these past few days that i, myself, am feeling tormented by the buzzing of my own thoughts that are meaning to come out and find their way into this blog.

i was busy. okay. lying through my retainered teeth.

yes, i am busy but that’s only a quarter of why i wasn’t present. i just feel lazy and i would never lie that it occurred to me a dozen times that i want a life away from the internet. i want everyday to be a life conceived far from the ‘mongerers’ in the cyberspace. but who am i kidding? practically every part of my soul was screaming ‘bloooogggg!’and whoever reads my blog anyway? (hello!)

my last weekend was spent finishing reading ‘Shadow of the Wind’ (highly recommended!) and attempting to organize my thoughts to write an article for my mag… but to no avail… thanks to this pre-programmed lethargy. on weekends, i am the queen of the sloths – it hurts when i move.

and i am dying to embrace weekend once again (and it’s not even the middle of the week). i’ve got a long list of ‘to read’ and ‘to watch’. i haven’t been hanging around outside that much these days. and forgive me, i sometimes really feel bad whenever it occurs to me that i have no idea how my friends are doing. it makes me feel useless and unwanted. on the contrary, it also makes me feel bad to always be that person bouncing around pestering everyone if they care to catch up.

i’m happy today. i received four packs of the elusive ‘Shokubutsu’ shower gel courtesy of a very thoughtful and generous friend from Singapore. ‘Xie xie!’ from the bottom of my heart. =)

these days, i choose to be happy and thankful for the littlest things.

I hate that I have an incredible, almost unbelievable, sense of smell. I was endowed with very sensitive olfactory nerves that I could literally smell a stink from a hundred feet away. I am always the first one to complain when some strange odor comes assaulting my senses. And so I give my testimony that there isn’t a grain of truth when they say: ‘Ang unang pumutak, siya ang umutot!’

And it’s a nightmare, I tell you. Anything that smells bad instantly sends my temper rising; I easily get crossed and the next thing I know, I am ready to yell at some poor soul. Probably, it’s normal but then again, my case is on the extreme side. I could actually picture the stink as if alive, taunting me and challenging my patience. I turn all loony.

As far as my fond recollections allow, I’ve almost gotten myself in a number of unsightly encounters because of this. It’s like one of those illnesses where there is no cure, like a spot of bother that is ruining my perfect little image (no, not really). And who could remain calm when in your nice and peaceful world, you are rudely interrupted by a smell that could make the hobos of New York look like preppy yuppies?

What would you do if everyday of your forsaken life, you are trapped and there’s just nothing you can do about it? Will you be bold enough to tell the ‘source’ that he smells like a dead rat or a basket full of onions and it’s really offending you?

As you might guess, I am currently having this crisis but I think better not to elaborate on it. (I will get into major trouble.. shhh…)

The moment the clock struck 3pm, I was all set to go. I blame it on the weather – nice and sunny and no gray clouds wandering about the sky whatsoever. Obviously, I am bluffing. The weather is awful, extremely and unbearably hot! I am guessing 39 degrees! It’s not normal even for a country which is nearly wedged on the equator. My perpetual fanaticism for the day to end has got nothing to do with it really. But it has tons to do with the day being Monday and the fact that we all just came back from supposedly four-day bliss of being far (albeit not that far away) from work. I still mumble nonsense for being stuck at home, my feet all itching to climb mountains and soak in the sun’s glorious rays. Instead, I got to know my bed better – I was on it 72 out of 96 hours.

For someone that has a poor hearing, which is very well compensated by my bionic smelling ability, I could practically hear the ticking of my officemate’s watch. I could even hear the occasional swinging of the glass doors at the reception area and the funny sound that the door access makes when someone logs in and out. And somehow, I could tell if the one guarding the gates to my freedom already called it a day. Three became four and four became five and five became six. I forgot about the time when I had to accompany a colleague who’s visiting from overseas to have lunch when everyone has practically digested theirs. By the time we got back, the office is almost empty, except for some who finds enjoyment in staying until the sun’s no more. I was one of them and I am way past that. I realized life is not meant to live with a rope tied around your neck and a flimsy excuse to fall and kill yourself.

I had an epiphany while going down the steps of my favourite place in the world – the Rufino-Ayala Ave. underpass. Strange enough, that one-minute walk amidst a river of people is on top of the quietest moments of my everyday life. It’s like my mind instantly shuts off the noise like what happens in the movies – as if He who watches over us accidentally sat on the remote and hit the mute button. That is one full minute of pure peace. Once I reach the turning point towards the escalator, I am slapped back to reality.

I’ve always been fascinated on how the people in Hong Kong and in Singapore make use of their escalators and stairs. In these countries, where everything is moving twice or thrice as faster as we normally do here, slow motion is irreverence. You’d instantly feel that you don’t belong (not that we want to). They always seem to be in a hurry. So, if you’re in an escalator and you just want to stand and indulge in the moment, always, always stay on the right side. The left lane is for those who seem to have a rodent down their behinds and can’t wait to get rid of it. One time, my ignorance about this almost brought out the tigress in me. This moronic guy literally pushed me to the side as if to say ‘Stay out of the way’ and even before I could come up with an explosive retort, he was gone – lost amidst the crowd (they all look like him) at the MTR station. And so out of mere curiosity, I tried experimenting. One time, I pretended to be in a hurry and I had to say ‘Excuse Me’ a hundred times while literally jumping two steps at a time. They made way but they are pissed. And then another time, I stayed on the left lane, just stuck there not moving an inch and blocking the way and nobody cared. Darn, why are we so laid back? It’s not a complain but an expression of awe, mind you.

Rush hour. One of those moments where I wish I took that rope instead ‘coz it’s near suicidal. This is one of those rare occasions where I use my power to snag a seat in the jeepney amidst all the commotion. Being small and quick, that is. And I don’t care one bit if the person before me smells like a rubber tire; I can always hold my breath.

What truly annoys me in that 15-20 minute ride home is the lousy music that’s playing on the background. Yesterday’s treats were ‘Temple of the King’, ‘Skyline Pigeon’ and ‘The Leader of the Band’. Santisima! The icing on the cake was my ‘seatmate’ who seemed to know all three songs by heart and decided to sing along for everyone’s amusement (or derailment?). And since we were pretty crammed in there, she was almost singing to my ears. Believe me, I summoned every patience and the remnants of it in my bones to prevent myself from blurting out something not nice. What is it with people singing in public? I really don’t get it.

Sorry, I can’t help it!

This is probably one of my most jolog moments in the history of blogging and I am not ashamed… hehe… Whatta perfect way to end my night than watch ‘Lloydie’ exploiting what’s left of my so-called rational dignity with his melt-your-heart smile.


Cheers to this once-in-a-black-hole fanmode indulgence.

(Blame ‘You Changed My Life’ for this)


A full ten minutes before ‘Good Friday’ ends and ‘Black Saturday’ comes and I’m still awake (the only one as everybody hit the sack three hours ago), wondering for the -nth time what I have got to do. I am not yet sleepy and I’m torn as to how I could spend this tranquility – finish that book I’ve been reading, just surf the net, watch a movie / korean soap / j-dorama, or just lie in bed and try to make out figures from the stains on my ceiling.

I am convinced I have wasted two whole days of this ‘vacation’ doing nothing, if not, senseless things. I wasn’t even much of a help during my mom’s yearly ‘pabasa’. I was just here in my room the whole time while, (if I may call it this) the ‘festivity’ downstairs’ was on-going. I’ve never been used to many people going in and out of our house, food overflowing on the table, my pop looking harrassed while in-charge of cooking, a throng of my mom’s friends arriving from who knows where and staying not too long, WonBin barking at 100 decibels every five seconds scaring the wits out of our visitors and the… how to call it… the sound of (?) people singing the ‘pasyon’ outside with an incomprehinsible tune. I don’t know but I am too lazy to get out of the house. I refused going with my sister and her hubby for a ‘Bisita Iglesia’ last Thursday and again, to watch the prossesion earlier this evening. I slept out of boredom instead.

So far, I’ve had 35 hours of sleep, finished two full Taiwanese dramas (one with about 40 episodes!), finished one book, ate less than usual, consumed about a gallon of caffeine (in various forms) in the last two days. It’s probably my sentiment of not being able to be somewhere / anywhere but here that is getting the best of me. I am not happy that I am just home this time. My feet are itching to go somewhere far but there’s no place to go to and most of all, no one to go with. I am just so frustrated. And I hate me for being this way… for feeling this way.

I’ve spent some time trying to reflect on these things and why I am so bothered and so far, I am not making any progress. I’ve been trying to find a way to spend my Holy Week not wallowing and being upset. I think I’ve been over analyzing things and one small thought just snowballs into bigger complications. I just want peace of mind, that’s all.

Then I thought, what the heck am I being bothered for when I am supposed to remember and commemorate Christ’s sufferings and death and be thankful for I have been saved – all of us actually. I’ve got all the time to reflect on my sins, on my issues in life, and of what I have failed to do to make Christ’s sacrifice all worth it. Probably, this is the best time for my own retreat. I don’t really know what may come out of it but at least it feels like my cat’s weight has somehow been lifted off my shoulders.

Good Read here.

I am not a fan of yaoi or what they call a boy-boy manga for women. I am not even a fan of manga in general. I learn about them from watching j-doramas or the adoptations made by Koreans and Chinese dramas. And I must say, when I find a certain drama interesting, I am intrigued by its manga version and it makes me want to read it. My sister has a collection of some like Wallflower and the overrated but still my most favorite Hana Yori Dango (Boys Over Flowers). I browse but I don’t read.

Bored through my wits this afternoon, I found myself browsing through for some movies I could watch. I don’t know what’s with my periodical cravings for Korean movies (or sometimes dramas); all I know is that I am learning quite a lot of Hangul because of it. I came across ‘Antique Bakery’ (Antique) and without a clue whatesoever of what it’s about, I just clicked the link. I decided to watch it because it has Joo Ji Hoon (Princess Hours) and the tall and lanky Kim Jae Wook (Coffee Prince) in it. So, despite the very slow downloading because of my feeble internet connection, I desperately watched the movie amidst on and off buffering and the urge to shut my laptop. And I’m glad I did ‘coz this is one heck of a movie. I am not gonna criticize it and compare it to the Japanese Live Action and even the manga which was created by Fumi Yoshinaga because I haven’t seen both.

Antique Bakery (the Korean movie) tells the story of Kim Jin Hyeok (Ji Hoon), a cake shop owner who ironically hates sweets but has a dark past that holds the answer to this mystery; Min Seon Woo (Jae Wook) a gay patissier who’s known for his ‘demonic charm’ and fancies Jin Hyeok since highschool; Yang Ki Beom (Yo Ah In), Seon Woo’s apprentice who used to be a street punk and a boxer; and the klutzy Nam Soo Yeong (Choi Ji Ho).

At first, you’d think it’s like Coffee Prince, with the owners (Ji Hoon and Gong Yoo in CP) being both serious, hot-tempered, have sad past that they’re trying to overcome, have three ‘side-kicks’ and most importantly, gorgeous. =) But it’s way different. Jin Hyeok was kidnapped when he was little and had very little memory of his abductor. All he remembers was that the kidnapper has a sweet tooth and fed him cakes every single day of his captivity. And this was what actually led him to open up a cake shop – to lure this person and eventually catch him. All the three others have issues of their own but the story centered on Jin Hyeok.

This is not your typical yaoi (because technically it isn’t) and it has a lot of funny scenes (amid the heavy ones and all the drama) which made me laugh hard while rolling on my sides. And it showed the quirky and funny side of Ji Hoon – totally the opposite of what we saw in Princess Hours. Jae Wook, on the other hand, fits the role very well – a little bit different yet somehow similar to that ‘Waffle Guy’ that he portrayed in CP… cool, always composed and well, a bit ‘gayish’.

What I love about the movie is its ability to make you laugh while thinking hard about the possibilities it could offer. Unlike the typical story line most korean movies have, this wouldn’t make you cry in the end; it would make you want to dictate the ending and keep the story going.

I’ll probably watch the jdrama version next. =)

Today is…

April 2009
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