Archive for February 2009

Where is that thin line separating ‘good enough’ from ‘extraordinary’?

This person I know said it’s there, barely visible and often goes unnoticed – especially by people who limit themselves and refuse to go over the boundary.

But what if, extraordinary is an oxymoron of life and I choose not to be anywhere near it? Extraordinary is not ‘good’ at all times. It is pretentious; a coward hiding behind the facet of power. Extraordinary is arrogant, boastful and proud. It shines the brightest and it tends to blind people.

I don’t like anything extraordinary. No, scratch that… I hate extraordinary.

‘Good enough’, on the other hand, is an old tale that rots with history. Sadly. Those who are JUST ‘good enough’ are forgotten. But they are, to my belief, those who lived life to its fullest. ‘Good enough’ is meek and humble but is never lazy.

It is contented – the way people should be.

Finally on Twitter…

My one-liner whatnots… v(^___^)v

Say what you gotta say…

I feel a little confused and sad that I sometimes feel like what ‘that’ they call as a ‘floating’ Christian.

If there’s any thought that I hate entertaining, it is ME questioning my own faith in God. I love the Lord with all my heart and I feel a very strong yearning for Him and yet sometimes, I still feel I am going astray.

These days, I haven’t been going to the church. And there is this nagging feeling. But weird enough, I feel liberated and happy. I sometimes can’t really understand what my mind is dictating my senses. I don’t know if it is WRONG but I don’t feel RIGHT at all (sometimes) when I am there. Probably wrong but I have this feeling that I can be closer to GOD in my own way. I am letting myself drawn closer…

I’ve given my heart, I surrendered my all to God and I think that is what’s important. For now, I can only pray.

What better way to spend Valentines than having a field day in Quiapo, Binondo and finally, good old Divisoria. Last Feb. 14, while probably half the world is busy ‘glamming up’ for Happy Hearts Day, me, my sister and her hubby were going through the streets of Quiapo, getting our feet dirty (it was rainingfor a while) while hoarding good ‘ol reliable and shockingly cheap dvds.

It’s amazing how something ‘illegal’ can seem so appropriate. Nyarks… did I just say that? I was able to buy six new movies (Milk, Revolutionary Road, Slumdog Millionaire – this one’s surprisingly awesome, Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist, Changeling & The Secret Life of Bees) for only Php200. Nope, haven’t watched them all yet! I also bought the complete season of Smallville, thus, my current Clark Kent re-addiction (was before but I got tired of watching Lana Lang collecting boyfriends) and some (as usual) Korean novelas.

Note how my sister’s hubby looks like he could disappear right there and then ‘coz of too much embarrassment. =)

From Quiapo, we walked along the cramped streets and narrow alleyways until we reached Carriedo, Sta.Cruz and passed through a lot of Jewellery shops in Ongpin. This photo I ‘borrowed’ from Nostalgia Manila and the photo I’ve taken using my ever-reliable KRZR cam phone shows that nothing’s changed at the Plaza Goiti (Carriedo), except the fountain in the middle and probably, the stench.

Fun day all in all and I wouldn’t trade it for a cozy ‘date’ at a coffeeshop… =)

The blueprint isn’t laid out openly as I wished it to be. The future is still looking bleak, if there is anything really. And I don’t see it happening so soon. Oh well…

***

Valentine’s eve and I am spending the night with Mark Haddon (A Spot of Bother is hilarious… read it!), contemplating on consuming this unopened chocolate bar from my unnichan and her hubby and a sweet greeting card (again, from them). Our annoying neighbor is keeping the whole neighborhood awake, singing his equally annoying rendition of Rey Valera’s classics. Just because it’s valentines, you freakin’ arse, still don’t have the right to murder these songs and our eardrums, you fat bug!

Seriously, I am annoyed to infinity.

I went home *extra* early today ‘coz I don’t want to be caught up amidst floating flowers, *extra* snoggly couples, traffic, *extra* snoggly couples, more floating flowers and traffic. U-huh. Oh shut up, I am being bitter, I know.

This whole being single thing doesn’t really help. Hypocrisy aside, there’s just one question in my mind during this so-called time of the year: “Why the hell am I single?!?” But the day after, I wake up happy again and loving myself even more. And the moment I open my eyes, I still can say, ‘You rock God!’

I thought I ought to give myself a little something this year… if no one would do it for me, I’ll do it for myself. =)

Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end… (Anonymous says)

This guy I know from way back then.

He made me hate myself for quite some time. And I mean, for a long long time. And I kind’a hate myself more when I look back at how stupid I was or how he made me look like one at least.

It wasn’t my fault I plummeted head straight and totally lost my mind. He was the picture of perfection and I could only see or chose to see one side of him. He seemed kind and nice and just that person who would sweep you off your feet and catch you when you swoon. To some extent, he was but then the ‘jackass’ side became more and more apparent.

Those crazy things I did seemed more pathetic now when I think about it. I thought it was cool letting the whole world know that you are head-over-heels with someone. At that time, it felt like I had some sort of power that I could practically say and do everything that I want and it wouldn’t bother him that much. Because I felt like he owes me something for liking him. It didn’t occur to me that he might not like the attention. Or he simply just didn’t care.

And just because I loved his smile (or practically everything about him), I chose to ignore the fact that he wasn’t really smiling for me. I totally overlooked the fact that he didn’t even look at me when I talk, that he deliberately turns his attention to something else hoping probably that I would just scram and spare him the agony.

That at that time, I pathetically embraced everything that he likes. From our common interests like music, to the things that were pretty much alien to me. The effort wasn’t even worth five cents. What’s good about that is I’ve discovered some things that remained embellished on my being despite the fact that everything’ about me and him (there was never an ‘us’) is all in vain right now.

As much as I don’t like to regret, I regret knowing him. I regret the fact that I let him trample silently on me. I was a waste and I didn’t deserve that. If only I could go back, I would take back what I said or what I did.

It didn’t ‘rock’ at all. Not one bit.

(On why the sudden rantings about this guy, I have no idea. It’s as if I woke up and thought about it all day with no particular reason whatsoever. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve long been awaken from that slumber; he just popped in all of a sudden!)

I’m feeling ‘lost’ again… but somehow I know He found me.


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