Posted on: August 21, 2008

That’s what I should be probably doing about what transpired a few nights ago on my get-away to the land up North. My mind is in total chaos that I couldn’t even tell if what happened really did happen. Or if what I think he said, he did really say. I just probably can’t get over the fact that six years ago, his gaze would’ve melted me to bits and his smile would’ve turned my cheeks to fuchsia pink and yet, when I saw him that night, the feeling was… blank… nada… a big black void. I mean, I was happy… really happy in fact to see him and be with him but there is one big thing that is lacking. Whatever that is, I couldn’t tell… or probably, I am afraid to tell. I just don’t understand how a person can shower you with praises and let you feel how special you are but still do / or not do some things that would make you think otherwise. I am so confused.

I am just probably thinking too much. I am making things complicated. I want to know if he likes me – obviously and without assuming anything, that’s what he made me feel – liked. Honestly, how would you feel if someone suddenly gives you a poem that talks about repressed emotions and that someone just happens to be the person that you like the most a few years back? How would you feel if he suddenly looks at you as if you are something worthy of his gaze and tells you how beautiful you have become? How would you feel if that someone asks of your plans in the future and if you would consider giving them up to stay? How would you feel if you’re sure right there and then that one look from you can make him really nervous and speechless? We walked in the rain; we laughed in the rain. He said I am his princess but I just couldn’t say that he’s my prince. I am just not sure… yet.

And then, the night ended. I came back to reality. I didn’t see him the following days. I know I really wanted to see him again as he was telling me over and over again that he wanted to see me too. But the circumstances just wouldn’t allow it. Heck, I am competing with his future. I guess he needs it more than just one magical feeling from a ghost of his college days.

Review well. That’s what I told him a while ago when we were text messaging. He gave up seeing me to study for his exams week. Review well… That’s what I’ll be doing too ‘coz I will definitely be thinking a lot about him these days.


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