Archive for June 2008
It’s been raining non-stop for the last two days and I’ve been totally immobile here at home. Rainy days make me lazy… it’s the best time to just bum around – stay in bed, watch a cheezy korean flick or that drama I’ve been wanting to finish, and munch on whatever my tastebuds are craving. So far, I’ve consumed four cups of coffee, a cup of hot chocolate, one tub of popcorn, three packs of chips (from mama’s store) and some candies. I am still hungry though.Despite all these junk food, I haven’t had a decent meal today.
I missed Church today because I was afraid to go out. I also canceled my movie date with my friends; we were supposed to watch Narnia and drool over Prince Caspian but the weather wouldn’t just allow it. But to be honest, I like it sometimes when the weather’s like this and was (still a little bit) praying that it would still rain as hard tomorrow so I wouldn’t have to go to work. bad… bad… bad…
Oh, well, I felt a little guilty as soon as I opened a few news sites and read some updates about the typhoon Fengshen or ‘Frank’. About 86 were killed and 700 plus are still missing as it ravaged Visayas and South Luzon this weekend. A passenger ferry, ‘Princess of the Stars’ capsized off Sibuyan island in Romblon’s central province Saturday night and many (about 700 plus) are still missing. What’s disturbing is that I was able to ride this boat during my shipping beat days as a reporter. It was the biggest among the domestic passenger fleet at that time and I saw how nice the interior of that boat was. Oh well… I pray they would find more survivors.
I just thought that it’s time I write something about this person.
This is Wayne – my closest (or so I think) guy pal in the office.
Wayne is a person that I DON’T understand or get at all. It’s like he has his own little world, bolted with a very heavy steel door; you need a tremendous amount of effort before you could come in but once you’re inside, you’re in for a lot of treat. But this very character of his is what actually makes him [a] special…(child)… kiddin’
He is an insensitive little dweeb that could make my head explode because of his naive-bordering-on-‘cluelessness’ little ways that sometimes, you’d think he’s doing it on purpose just to make you angry. He’s also that person who could make me throw my guts out from too much laughing ‘coz of his natural goofiness and funny little antics. He can make me laugh without even opening his mouth. And he can also make me angry because he doesn’t say anything even if he needs to.
He is my constant companion on my usual trips to food-hunting (whenever I crave for anything!), to convenience stores, to the banks, and anywhere outside the confines of our office whenever I feel like seeing the bustling outside world. He’s that person you can easily drag around wherever… whenever (basta office hours and he’s not doing anything or is too lazy to do anything just yet!)
He’s the most stingy person I know…. although I noticed, these days, the ‘kakuriputan‘ is waning a little bit. But I bow down to his discipline and self-control and his will to do things the right way. Most importantly, I sincerely appreciate his patience to keep up with me and my crazy sometimes-hard-to-deal-with ways.
Xie xie ni wo de peng you! v(^_^)v
When I get mad, I really get mad – crazy, I mean. I tend to forgo all kinds of reasonings and I become deaf and blind to all possible explanations. I also become mute – I don’t talk to anyone at all. Like an imbecile and an autistic person, I lock myself in my own world, repelling anyone or anything that would try to break down my doors. I get so caught up in my own thoughts, letting the ‘anger poison’ seep in deeper into my veins. And as if it is some kind of a potion that gives me strength and power, I feel so uninhibited and it makes me feel like I can say and do anything and just abash any poor fellow that would stand (clueless-ly) in my way.
Take for instance an incident with my boss a year or so ago. I was so mad at him that I almost forgot that he’s my boss and he could kick my working ass anytime he pleases. The thing was I felt that his ‘belittling thet’ is way going below the belt and I was really offended. I felt that he was undermining my capability and the tactless (and heartless) guy that he is, he loved showing [it] off at my expense. So, one day while we were in a meeting, my anger silently erupted. I antagonized him by not talking and looking at him at all – even if he was addressing me – in front of his visitors. I kept mum, paralyzed there in my seat, not caring at all how he would react or anybody would for that matter. I was so angry that talking might bring out that burning fury and hatred that was sure to have made the situation more ugly. I think I got the message across because right after the meeting, he asked me what the hell my problem was and asked me to see him in his office. The hard-headed stubborn little me didn’t falter – I hid from him the rest of the day, not wanting to talk, or if possible, not wanting to have to do with the jackass anymore. I guess I won that battle because he became a little nicer to me the following days, weeks even and he didn’t bother bringing up that incident anymore.
While there are times that this helps me get by (and prove my point), I am not proud of this part of me because I tend to hurt a lot of people. My fury is a fire that consumes me, sometimes almost burning bridges and I regret it – truly. The problem is my mind automatically shuts down and the only thing that it retains is the fact that I am angry and I don’t care. I hate and I loathe and I say hurtful things or do things that could really cut deep into someone’s heart. In the end, I can only say, ‘I am so truly sorry’. Thinking about it now, it makes me realize even more how this reflects my immaturity in handling the bitter bits and pieces of the realities of life – that it is not always on my side and I can’t get all I want. I am such a life brat – spoiled and rotten and wanting to change.