Archive for January 2007

Wow… can’t believe, work’s been really paying off… AQ’s 2nd issue is out at
last.
My good ‘ol critics tell me this looks way way better than the first one (content, layout, printing and the whole package) and I yea, what can I say, it actually is.

But hey, I owe AQ to those people who were there from the beginning; those witnesses to the birthpains and hellish everyday encounters when it was yet to come out. AQ wouldn’t even be here if it wasn’t for these guys. And for that, Saranggaeyo!!!

Hmm… now I wonder how many eons will go before we see the third issue…

Cruel insomnia strikes again. This anticipated sorrow had me ever since I can remember. I am trying to justify that my overdosing of caffeine doesn’t have anything to do with this but my conscience tells me otherwise. The clock ticks… five more minutes before 12 midnight and I am here, tiring myself too much to hasten my journey to dreamland. Sad, but I couldn’t escape.

I pity myself; I’m a total loser – bad sleeping habits, mercurial temper, a food junkie, a junk food junkie, a caffeine addict, a hopeless romantic, a she-devil in an angel suit, a wild Goddess tamed by the merciless reality called fate. I am all that.

But none of these can make me who I want to be. At this point, the horizon still seems boundless. I can’t see where will I be heading two, three years from now. I want to be somewhere far… a place where the earth looks like heaven and the heaven is reachable and touchable and the clouds can be scooped like giant pure white cotton candy. I want to be neighbors with Harry Potter, bestfriends even, so I can borrow his wand and make all things magical.

I want a pillow of twigs and a blanket of soil; the sound of the sea breeze humming sweet lullabies far more relaxing than that of Schubert.

At last, I want to sleep.

I didn’t know I am capable of being miserable for two straight weeks without letting anybody know of my predicament. My head’s been bloated with sad thoughts and my heart’s starting to get numb from too much pain. And I am getting numb from all these, happening over and over again that sometimes I feel like getting used to it; it’s becoming addictive that I didn’t know I am starting to look for the pain when it’s not there.

I am so sad. Probably one of the saddest moments of my life. I can’t even remember how many times have I been so low. I can only remember a few but they hurt too much that I still feel that funny indescribable feeling (as if someone’s pinching your heart) whenever I think about them. Now, it hurts at the same spot. This little space in my chest seems to harbor a lot of hurtful emotions that it feels so heavy and crammed up, I’m having a hard time breathing. I just want to let them all go so I could feel fine again. Never mind the tears, I never run out of them.

And now I am drowning myself to these melodies and words I can’t even understand. I just feel I could loose myself in this music with the least worry of getting lost. In fact, I’d rather get lost in the beauty that I hear than snap back to reality and feel my heart ripping into pieces again.

Thanks to Jay Chou, I feel a little better now.

***

I found a letter which I wrote (probably when I was half-asleep because I couldn’t remember writing it) in my journal. Am I loosing my screws?

“Funny how I fell for you, and the way you caught my eye…”

It’s really funny and when I think about it, I can’t help but shrug at the idea. Hypocrisy aside, I think there is still a little something inside me that is going nuts about you. And these past few days have been a painful battle on whether I should or should not like you anymore. It’s weird; I think I still like you. But when you open your mouth, I hate you.
The thing is, I don’t want to see you. I don’t want to be around you . I don’t want to hear your voice or even be near you. I don’t like to talk to you. I don’t want your smile anymore. Because everything about you breaks my heart into pieces.

Is there a sadder word than sad?

Cute. Cute. Cute.
This kid’s really cute … (^_^)









Because the friggin’ internet connection has been busted for the last two weeks, I haven’t had the chance to update my precious blog… but hey, I’m back!!! Thanks to my ever-reliable dial-up connection at home =)

Things went by so fast that I all I have are just bits and pieces of what happened the last few weeks. I’ve been very busy at work (working on the final touch-ups for the second issue of AQ)… oh, and did I mention? AQ (the person) went back from the dead… tee-hee! Snob little dork… what did I ever see in him? Naks…

Anyway, going back to work, with Gela already with the AQ team, I’d say my workload has dropped an inch (or so); the ogre, though, hasn’t changed a bit. He’s still amused by the fact that he can make my life totally miserable.

Got a new hair-do… or should I call it ‘bangs’-do (i just changed my kindergarten-bang-look to a side-sweep-sleek-bang style.


Whatchathink? THis might land me on the front cover of Vanity Fair… hehe… yea right… VAIN!


Today is…

January 2007
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