Archive for September 2006

This chinese song (from the series It Started With A Kiss) caught my attention. Now, it’s been playing nonstop in my head (^_^).

Kao Jin Yi Dian Dian / Come A Little Bit Closer by Lara

I wait quietly behind you
“Mo mo zai ni de sheng hou shou hu de wo”

Really want to see your accidental smile
“duo xiang kan ni bu jing yi de xiao rong”

Maybe you do not understand my heart
“huo xu wo de xin ni bu dong”

But I will try to touch your heart
“wo hui nu li rang ni gan dong”

I’m the clumsy one in your eyes
“zai ni yan zhong you duo me ben zuo de wo”

I will not give up following you
“jue bu fang qi zhui zu ni de zhi zhuo”

I just need you to give me some response
“zhi yao ni neng duo xie hui ying wo”

I will accept a smile or a nod.
“yi ge xiao huo dian tou quan dou jie shou”

Can I come near a little closer
“neng bu neng zai kao jing yi dian dian”

Confess my feelings to you loudly
“da sheng shuo chu ni suo you gan jue”

Don’t shut yourself in your own world anymore
“bie zai jin jin guan zai zhi you zi ji de shi jie”

The warm sun welcomes you
“wen nuan tai yang wei ni ying jie”

Can I come near a little closer
“neng bu neng zai kao jing yi dian dian”

Can I be braver a little bit
“neng bu neng zai yong gan yi dian dian”

Even if I know that it will always be a one-sided love affair
“jiu shuan rang wo zhi dao wo yong yuan zi shi dan lian”

I will still keep my gratitude
“wo ye hui chang zhe gan xie”

Smilling to you and say goodbye.
“xiao zhe he ni shuo zai jian”


Here’s a preview of the series. It’s cute…

Because I am stubborn and I haven’t actually done something to get rid of this pesky tooth (supposedly a year ago) I am suffering big time. This is one of those times when I want to slap myself hard because my molar is really painful. I swear, I’ve been whimpering like a sick kitten from sun-up because of THIS… grrr…

I just have this weird assumption that when my heart aches too much, this pesky tooth wants to do a duet with it… I feel a little heartbroken… with who, don’t ask… it’s the same old sh*t i just can’t get over with. Pathetic I know. Or maybe who knows, I’m just trying to deny myself something; maybe I am not heartbroken… I just think that we are hopeless. (Ba’t naman kase di pwede ang Chinese sa Pinoy?) haha… just kiddin’… as if may future… malala na ko.

Nah, actually I am just sad about the fact that I’ve been wasting time for nothing. I already know and (as far as I have convinced myself) I’ve already accepted what reality is waving furiously at my face. I am just a mere spectator to his stageplay. It’s really amazing I got struck. I felt like I’m hooked. Naks!

But going back to this pesky tooth, I feel like it has its own mind (again, just like my heart). Whenever I’m scheduled for a tooth extraction with my dentist, it becomes like THIS — it aches, it swells … it’s like it doesn’t wanna leave me. Hell, to think that I don’t really need it. I must get rid of it, else suffer forever.

Whatever, I am getting rid of it. I just have to endure the pain. I know I can.

The cold battle is over between me and my brother. No words were spoken but we know everything’s okay now. Oh, well, not really okay as there are still some issues left unsolved but we’d rather not talk about them.

I would like to be a good sister to him. The problem is I really don’t know how. Maybe I am too self-absorbed to notice that all along, I’ve been nothing but a nightmare to him. Pero, I swear I am trying my best to be good — ‘wag magsungit, ‘wag maging maldita, ‘wag awayin yung mga girl-lets nya — but hey, what can I do, Iam just an ‘Ate’ — somtimes, I need to appear tough to him. But yea, not all the time.

Whatever… I am just happy.

I am not a quitter.

I will stand by these words until my last breath. Naks… Really, I don’t have to be dramatic but I’ve been smothered by anger the whole afternoon today so I am trying to relax and give myself some respite.

I am praying for that day when I will see AQ (the magazine) for real. Pwede rin yung AQ na tao… kidding. I’ve been doing the maiden issue for too long that the mere look of it [the mock-up] makes me want to puke my insides out. Really, I feel like an anchored raft in the midst of the Atlantic ocean. So futile, so helpless.

My dilemma? The printer told me that they wouldn’t be able to deliver the magazines on Tuesday in time for Gelai’s event where it is supposed to be launched. Haayyy… if only I wouldn’t be damned to curse… grrr…

But anyway, as it has always been my principle in life not to be defeated by defeat itself. Ano daw? For me, it’s better to move on than to wallow in distress. It wouldn’t solve the problem anyway so why fritter my time away to such mindless act?

I swear I’d lay down every ounce of my self worth for this magazine to happen. Now, I want something to make it all worth the effort. I know some people’s ears are probably burning with my unending qualms about this project but what can I do, I myself can’t even see the end of it (or of the first issue at least).

Adding up to my woes are the schmucks who think they’re God’s gift to the world… Well sorry to deflate your overly humongous egos… the world can go on without you. I can live without you so get your sh*t out of my sight. Oooopsss… sorry got carried away. I swear these people believe they will be here for eternity. Too sad, they don’t know that life is too short compared to forever to live most of it in good faith. I’ll just pray for them.

Weekend… weekend… It’s already half past nine in the evening but here I am in my workstation sending last minute emails to more writers for our second issue. See, the first issue’s not even out and I’m already killing myself for the next one. Wake Up Thet! Blah…

If health is wealth, then I’d be poor…

Morbid as it may seem but I think I wouldn’t live too long to witness my old age. I’m only 24 and I’ve been having a lot of problems with regards my health. Recently, my back pains are getting worse and I’ve been having trouble with breathing.

And so I went to see a doctor to ask if I’m gonna die anytime soon (just kidding). I just had my blood pressure checked for fear that at this age, I am already highblood. Wrong. I am low-blood – 110/70. That explains my constant near-faint episodes and blacking outs (but really, not that serious). The doctor gave me three sheets of prescriptions and [as a matter of fact, I’m leaving my workstation to buy these medicines now].

Three sheets — Cerebrex (whatever that is) for my ‘Stiff Shoulders’ caused by tension and stress and not sleeping on time and too much thinking.. hehe, an anti-histamine drug (which name I forgot and is definitely not Benadryl) for my allergic rhinitis and the remaining sheet — a list of exercise that i need to lift the weight off my shoulders. I wonder if they have a medicine to really lift these burdens off my shoulder (figuratively speaking!)

It makes me think — it really is worth to invest in my health. Afterall, I owe my body some respect. God gave it to me whole and when I came back to see Him, every part of it must be in good condition.

***

Bills Bills Bills

I could practically hear Destiny’s child high notes wringing in my ears. Geez, I work to earn my dough to pay all my bills. Sabagay, this happens to everybody. I made this happen anyway. Had I known something about managing what I earn before, then I wouldn’t be a prisoner to this horrid experience.

First, I am a credit card junkie. I am paying quite a handful on my credit card bills alone (actually me and my sister share). I’ve got two cards and what I owe these two combined can actually buy me car ( a second hand, that is). What a waste! I get really pissed at myself when I think about how much food can I put on our table with the amount that is being wasted from binging on too much materal stuffs before. Haay… me and my selfish little ways. I swear I am working on that.

Now I have to endure a couple of years before I can finally free myself from the rope that binds me to these credit card sharks. No more and I mean NO MORE credit cards for me.

***

Now I have to go back to work.


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September 2006
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